Old Fart and The Tropics

I often wonder if I'll survive getting older. I have been told that old age is terminal, so I doubt it. It's just that I am constantly finding myself getting more and more crotchity and less tolerant. Let me explain...

Early in the spring, my wife and I were discussing what to do for a vacation this year. She mentioned that she'd like to go on a cruise or go to the Carribbean. My thoughts immediately drifted to me sitting on an adarondac chair and sipping something with liquor in it and other than my "drink-to-mouth" excercise routine, doing little else. When asked (still in my thoughts) what I wanted to do that day, I reply "I'm fuckin' doin it right now! Then I thought of just my wife and I walking down one of those sandy beaches together just taking it all in and enjoying the sunset. All those thoughts, however, were brought to a spincter clenching halt when my wife suggested-

"Let's go to Beaches!"

Bull Shiiiiiit. 

For those not well versed, there are two types of resorts in the Carribbean. Places like "Sandles", which caters to couples. These places are full of good looking people (ok, so maybe I don't belong there either, but that's besides the point!) and are basically designed for couples drinking, couples walking on the beach, couples relaxing, and couples doing what couples do when the sun goes down... It's all inclusive and there are buffets, so it's my kind of place!

The other kind of place is a lot less appealing. Places like Sandles counterpart, "Beaches" Beaches is all inclusive and has buffets, but it has something that makes them wholly unappealing to me. 

Children. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate all children. I've got a child of my own and on a case-by-case basis, I generally don't have a problem with them. En masse, however, little baby Junior sonofabitch really gets on my nerves. The one thing that gets under my skin the most is some little shit having a meltdown and his fruity ass granola eating yuppie parents trying to bargain with him for silence. 

But back to Beaches. 

NO FUCKING WAY am I going there on a family vacation. Now before you think I'm a mean, horrible, asshole, ogre of a Dad, let me explain. I love going on trips with my family and I really wish that I could do it more often. I think it's fun to take wifey and the kiddo to places they'll like. Florida, for instance. We go, we have a good time, and all is well. I refuse, however, to go somewhere where small children congrigate. Disney World, Day out with Thomas, Beaches, etc.  

I refuse to go to Beaches mostly because when parents go on vacation with small kids (under age 10), they seem to think that the vacation is for them. It's not. Unless your kids are very independent, you need to keep your kids entertained and happy on a vacation, which is often more like work than a vacation. About 40% of parents, however, get to somewhere like Beaches and let their demon spawn run amok with little or no supervision witht the thought that it's a contained area and there are lifeguards, staff, etc that will do all the work. They completely ignore their kids and eventually, the little fuckers and crying and peeing their pants. Two completely unacceptable situations for me. 

If we do get to go on a vacation this year, it will be somewhere with a better kid/adult ratio and more room to spread out to avoid the trouble children. Of course, I'll still get sat next to the screaming meltdown kid at the restaurant, but that's another rant...

Russ